These are the 3 types of attachment styles — and how each affects your relationships

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There are three distinct types of attachment style: secure, anxious, and avoidant.
Securely attached people generally had a healthy childhood and are better at approaching intimate relationships.
Anxious and avoidant people find intimacy more of a struggle.
This is often because of a trauma in early life, such as neglect, poor parenting, or an abusive relationship.

Even the most reclusive of people need human attachment. That’s why solitary confinement is such a successful form of torture. We are simply wired for attachment, since the day we were born and and started crying for our mothers.

As we grow up, we learn how to form bonds with other people, and our early experiences with intimate relationships heavily impact how we approach attachment in the future.

It starts with how our parents related to us, then we are shaped further by other experiences with friends, teachers, and the first romantic relationships we have.

“We are run by stories, and we don’t know what kinds of assumptions rule us until we pause and reflect,” psychologist Perpetua Neo told Business Insider.

“In therapy we call these stories ‘core beliefs’ … but I say we are run by stories. It could be upbringing, it could be a difficult experience, or attachment, that can lead to stories about us, such as ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘I’m not worthy,’ ‘I’m unlovable.'”

Our stories can place us anywhere on a wide spectrum of how we approach intimacy, but people can generally be divided into three categories for how they attach to others: avoidant, anxious, and secure. Avoidant and anxious attachment styles are often the result of early trauma, while secure attachment tends to mean your childhood was healthy.

Here are the differences between them and how they affect your romantic relationships:

Secure attachment

About half of the population have a healthy, secure attachment style. This means they are comfortable with intimacy, and tend to be more satisfied in their relationships.

The security usually stems from having a healthy relationship with parents, where they were allowed to go out and explore the world as children, but also felt safe and protected. In adulthood, this is mirrored in not smothering their partner, and trusting them to lead an independent life — while also knowing when to be honest, intimate, and supportive.

Secure people are better at accepting their partner’s shortcomings, and are responsive to what they need. They don’t manipulate or play games because their self-esteem is fairly high. Even in …read more

Source:: Business Insider

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