Carolyn Hax: If my wife’s not working, she should be vacuuming


shorthax

DEAR CAROLYN: My wife has been a freelance consultant whose work has dried up. I have a good-paying job and I figured with her work having dried up, she’d take care of the house, bills, paperwork, etc., with her time. Instead, I don’t know what she does, but things are not put away, and if she spent as much time taking care of our house — for which I just paid for a hefty remodel, by the way — as she does defending herself and how busy she is, then there would be no problem. (She is busy with her hobby, when she does it, or seeing friends during the day.)

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She cooks, and on weekends I do the wash. But it’s becoming an issue for me and she knows it, but nothing changes. I feel used.

Used

DEAR USED: I’d be angry too. Seething. A household involves a lot of work and I could not trust a partner who was comfortable leaving most of that work to me.

But that’s not all I find irksome. I also don’t like it when someone “figures” I’ll assume this or that responsibility without checking with me first.

And I don’t like it when the person then gets angry at me for not doing it.

And I don’t like it when I’ve always been X, am liked or accepted for X, embraced as X, and then because someone’s needs have changed I’m expected to be Y.

And I don’t like bean-counted remodels.

So. Did your wife “know this” because you discussed divisions of labor upfront? Or did she find it out only after you (1) just assumed she’d parlay underemployment into more housework, and (2) got annoyed when she didn’t?

Has she ever put things …read more

Source:: The Mercury News – Lifestyle

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